How to know if your cat has been practicing witchcraft.

So it has become blatantly obvious lately that my cat, Tinsel (renamed Tinny, because Christmas is only once a year) has started practicing witchcraft. I am certain he is a witch, especially after the circumstances of last night. As you may or may not be aware, there was a super moon last night. And as any good witch would inform you, that’s perfect timing for some serious juju.

Here’s the creepy and slightly gory bit, I would advise the squeamish to skip to the next paragraph. When I walked in to my room, exhausted as hell and just looking forward to collapsing in bed, I’m greeted by a dead bird laying just outside my en-suite door! Just ew, honestly Tinny, I don’t understand why you had to do that. Especially, why he felt the need to plonk it in my room. My worst realisation came when I was picking up the poor dead thing to throw it into the bin outside (thank goodness the trash was being picked up in the morning!). I realised that it didn’t have a head! Only a filleted red noodle that sadly flopped over when I picked it up. I have a pretty strong stomach, but even that made me heave. A million questions raced through my mind. “Where was the head? Would I find it somewhere? Oh god. They ate it, didn’t they.”

What got to me the most, wasn’t the dead bird, but the fact that Tinny didn’t care. No matter how much I told him he was a ‘bad cat’ and that he was ‘a demon’. All he did was look at me. I started to think that maybe he wouldn’t notice if he accidently killed me one day…

I wrote on Facebook soon after that I was now a dog person and that it was all just too much for me. My mother replied with “he was showing how much he loves you”. Please, oh please, don’t let him think that killing is love now. Just thinking about that movie ‘We need to talk about Kevin’ in retrospect makes me have some respect for his mother. Tinny may still disgust me, he may still be a heartless killer, but he loves me, and I love him. I really hope it’s not just some form of blood spell. I think the point I’m making is, I’ll be staying at my boyfriend’s place for a while.

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